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spankykitty

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widowed and coming after me with past house payment
I thought being widowed excluded me from house payments that the bank took over

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Sorry.

Someone gave you wrong information if they led you to believe that you no longer have to pay for your house after your spouse's death.  The only way that can happen is that if your spouse took out mortgage insurance so that the balance would be paid in full in the event of the death of either spouse.  That would be the smart thing to do, but, unfortunately, too many couples don't do it.  So you will have to catch up on the payments. 

Consult with the bank about this and they may be able to work out some arrangements to make things easier for you.  They can help you make the plans you need to make finances work.

My sincere condolences on your loss.

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